Thursday, August 24, 2006

Exclusive: Tom Cruise signs with Scientology Studios

Tiny's has learned that the mysterious, and not believable, $100M hedge fund that will bank roll Tom's movies now that Sumner Redstone booted his ass from Paramount is the recently formed Scientology Studios! That's right, the one headed by the much maligned eccentric studio head Xenu. More on this exclusive story as details come in!

Of course I'm basking in Tom's newest travails (note the word choice) much as I did during the bizarre baby birth episode (Tiny's: Cannibal or PR genius?), or the South Park fun (Tiny's: Cool Cat Scientologist).

So with the recent news that apparently intelligent, lucid and non-believer in 60M year old aliens Sumner Redstone decided to not renew Tom's contract with Paramount my crack staff went to work. Tom's wacky partner (this Wagner women) immediately started spouting off it didn't happen this way, they were going to split with Paramount anyway, blah, blah, blah. Apparently Mrs. Wagner (or is it Ms.?) didn't get the Scientology memo about using any psychological drugs!

It's also interesting how all the Hollywood friendly press is writing how this will backfire, how Redstone stepped on his Paramount studio chiefs, and so on. Hey Hollywood most everyone has a boss including your precious study chiefs. I for one hope Redstone did this primarily because it was the right thing to do given Tom's bizarre and very public beliefs. To a movie studio marquee actors are the product, if you product has a virus what do you do? Continue to sell it even if people will buy, or do you change the product? But it would be refreshing if Redstone actually put values ahead of money. On the other hand it could very well be that Tom and his freaky lady friend wanted to much to renew and Redstone figured since they won't renew with them might as well shoot em on their way out the door...hey, that's business!

Tom, even with being short and an idiot, will land on his feet...but I'll enjoy the negative press surrounding him and Scientology until he does!

Update: Tom raises less than $3M as the supposed $100m hedge fund still hasn't materialized....any bets on if his new investor is a Scientologist?

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