Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Cannibal or PR genius?

This morning for breakfast I had some banana nut crunch cereal with vanilla soy milk. For some reason about the time I hit 40 regular milk just didn't sit well with me. I could never use non-fat, 2% or low fat milk as they all seemed like water with flour mixed in. I use to love whole milk, or the sinful extra rich milk which I guess was nearly half-and-half. I would poor a big frosty glass and down it with a dozen chocolate chip cookies...those were the days. But alas maybe I've developed a lactose intolerance with age. So as I sit here with my banana nut crunch resting in my belly I felt it bubble and churn as I read a story that my pal "glock26" sent me.

And see the update at the bottom of the full post!

So what gave me that sickly feeling? Well it starts with eggs. I love eggs..I have them a lot. I like them hard boiled, deviled eggs, egg salad, scrambled, over easy and poached. I mostly go for the over easy or poached, usually 4 of them, over french bread toast or hash browns (or home fries). But when I crack those eggs I sometimes look at that little cloudy mass and the squiggly white cord and get a bit grossed out. Mind you, I'm not proud of that. I think of myself as a big strapping tough guy, so wish I never got that feeling as I those little aborted chicken embryos!

And so when I read that the king of Hollywood wack jobs Tom Cruise was quoted as saying of the pending silent birth of his child "I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there" I got that sick feeling. That's just plain disgusting. And he says "right there", shit does that mean he's gonna eat it raw? Or maybe they're gonna make Katie silently push the baby out in the kitchen so Tom can quickly add the afterbirth goodies to some nice sweated shallots, sauteed chanterelles and a cabernet reduction! Or is it more appropriate to cook with a white when dealing with human flesh. Or is it an organ? or remains? YUUUCK!!!!!!!!!

Is Tom really this strange? Ok, he has completely lost touch with reality...if you want to really see how nuts scientology is go to www.youtube.com and do a search on "scientology" and watch some of the material. There's even audio of L. Ron himself going on about Thetans and aliens and other galaxies. But can he really be this far gone? Are the increase in Tom Cruise rumors and strangeness originated by the public because one of his movies is coming out, or is he really just a PR genius and is laughing behind closed doors? I don't know for sure but I suspect everyone thinking he's a wack job will result in more box office. It reminds me of all the rumors about Marlon Brando being all bizarre when Apocalypse Now came out...it only helped the movie.

I know this, if Katie Holmes is from a good loving family they have to be going nuts. They have to be plotting to try and deprogram the brain washing and the controlling grip Tom must have on her...I suspect if they can't get her to see how bizarre this all is in private we will see them take their case to the public. Of course the public will eat up any additional tidbits of wacky-doodle behavior by any Hollywood star with Cruise's stature (all 5ft-2 of him, or whatever he is!).

Update: TOM'S PALS WARP PARADE POLL (From NYPost online)
TOM Cruise's cronies seem to have put a lot of effort into skewing a Parade magazine poll in his favor. Parade.com recently asked online readers whether they thought Cruise was responsible for his disastrous public relations year or if it was the media's fault. A shocking 84 percent of respondents blamed the press. But Parade publicist Alexis Collado tells us: "We at Parade found this a little bit fishy, so we did some investigating. We found out more than 14,000 (of the 18,000-plus votes) that came in were cast from only 10 computers! One computer was responsible for nearly 8,400 votes alone, all blaming the media for Tom's troubles. We also discovered that at least two other machines were the sources of inordinate numbers of votes. It seems these folks (whoever they may be) resorted to extraordinary measures to try to portray Tom in a positive light for the Parade.com survey. There is even a chance they wrote a special 'bot' program for the sole purpose of skewing the results, rather than casting the votes by hand on a computer." Cruise spokesman Paul Bloch told us, "I know nothing about the poll, so we have nothing to comment on."


Schadenfreude said...

Last year, I can remember when my son was born and after making sure he was situated in the NICU (he was premature but it all turned out fine) I went back to the room my wife was in and noticed a lil tupperware-type container on the dresser.

I opened it up -- hi-oooooo -- it's the placenta.

Gotta say, looked a lot like liver. But of all the thoughts I had at that moment: how my wife's body had created this impressive organ from nothing; that it facilitated the connection between her body and our son's providing him oxygen and nutrition and taking away CO2 and waste; how it hangs one, literally, till the bitter end of labor only detaching when the uterus begins to shrink assuring the baby no longer requires its function...I don't think I ever thought "damn that shit looks tasty."

He's a freak.


Tiny said...

Hey Schad,

Fortunately I missed seeing the afterbirth from both of my children's births. My first went straight away to the NICU at Stanford only because my wife had a fever while in labor..and so the baby does as well. I followed him there so missed the edible birth ejection.

I can't imagine how you felt with your little guy in the NICU as a preemy. My son was fine, completely healthy but Stanford is ultra conservative so with Mrs. Tiny's fever he stayed there for 2 days. Ever other baby in there was clinging to life by a thread and it was hard to feel the joy in my first born while the room was full of somber parents and babies with tubes and wires connected to every available patch of skin.

For my second I dropped my wife off the day before since she was to be induced the next day...I got a call at 6am that morning that she was in labor...by the time I got there my girl was all clean and pink resting on Mrs. Tiny's chest. She was born with just one push...literally a labor that latest only minutes. While my son was a 16 hour affair. Gee, I wonder if the length of labor affects the taste of the placenta? YUCK!!!!!